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Mithrandir here, mates! You shall not pass! Erotic-massage, eh? Wild stuff, lemme tell ya! Been thinkin bout it, like Sarah Polley in “Stories We Tell”—all them secrets unravelin! Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some lass or lad kneadin your back like dough. It’s ancient, right? Goes back to them Greeks—massage with a *twist*, if ya catch my drift. Used olive oil, cheeky buggers! Makes me chuckle, thinkin how they’d slap ya with oil and a wink.

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I woke up, ready to tackle some experiments. You know, the usual lab stuff. But first, I had to grab some breakfast. I hit up this tiny spot on Pinglin’s Zhongxing St. Best baozi ever! I mean, who knew steamed buns could be so life-changing? I was on cloud nine, munching away, when suddenly, my phone buzzed.

Chinese research team creates model seismograph of Eastern Han Dynasty