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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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Finally, I get to the milking station, and it’s packed. Like, I’m talking more cows than I’ve ever seen. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But hey, I love my job. There’s something oddly satisfying about milking cows. It’s like, you get to chill with these big, gentle creatures. But today? Today was a circus.

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