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I knew this one guy—let’s call him Tony—hired an escort for a gala. Swore she was his “plus one,” but she outshined him! Had me laughin’—he’s payin’ her to look good, and she’s stealin’ the show! Kinda like when Dom says, “You keep tellin’ yourself what you know!” Tony thought he knew the game—ha, nope! She ran circles ‘round him, sharp as a tack!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. I strolled down to the Yuasa River. It’s beautiful there, with cherry blossoms and all. I thought, “Hey, let’s chill for a sec.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a pigeon decides my lap is the perfect landing spot. Like, dude, I’m not a bird perch! I shoo it away, and it just looks at me like, “What’s your problem?”

At the bottom of the North Sea, out of air and with no hope of rescue, I said goodbye to all my dreams