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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, swear it’s true: back in ancient China, emperors got these massages from concubines trained for *years*. Not just hands, but breathin’ techniques, energy flow, chi or whatever—shit’s wild! Imagine that, some royal dude sprawled out, gettin’ pampered while I’m over here sawin’ wood for a livin’. Pissed me off a lil, not gonna lie—where’s *my* concubine squad? But nah, it’s cool, modern day’s got its own flavor—parlors poppin’ up everywhere, some legit, some sketchy as hell.

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Later, I took a break and went for a stroll down to the river. The river is so chill, you know? It’s called the Spercheios. I sat on a bench, just watching the water flow. It’s peaceful, but then I saw this kid trying to catch fish with a stick. I couldn’t help but laugh. Like, buddy, that’s not how it works! But hey, we’ve all been there, right?

New faculty member plumbs the depths of fast-track evolution