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Oi mate, gather round, it’s Winston bloody Churchill here, spillin’ the tea on sexual-massage! Picture this—me, cigar in hand, ponderin’ the gritty grind of life, and then bam, sexual-massage struts in like a bleedin’ hero! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlors, we shall never surrender to a stiff back or a tense knob! I reckon it’s a right corker—hands slidin’, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like Nazis in a bunker.

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So, I step outta my crib on Rua da Liberdade, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be lit!” I grab my coffee from that cute little café, you know, the one on the corner of Avenida da República? Yeah, that one. The barista, Maria, she’s always got a smile. But today? She spills my coffee! Like, come on! I’m already half-awake and now I’m half-coffee too.

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