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So, check this—there’s this spot downtown, right? Total dive, stinks of piss and regret. I was lookin’ for a pal, got lost, bam—prostitute central. One chick, swear she was 50, makeup caked on like war paint. She goes, “Hey, big guy, need a friend?” Laughed my ass off—me, an alien, fuckin’ “big guy”! Told her, “Nah, just chillin’ like a villain.” She shrugged, walked off muttering. Sad shit, man, made me pissed—why’s she stuck there?

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being an elevator operator in Bat-Hefer is like riding a rollercoaster, but without the safety bar. So, I roll into work, right? It’s a sunny morning, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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