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Personal quirk? I’d be rubbish at it—too loud, too fat, too fond of cigars! Can’t sneak round quiet-like, I’d bellow, “Oi, who’s next?!” and blow the whole gig. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but imagine me in fishnets—bloody hilarious! Wot pisses me off, though, is the hypocrites—politicians bangin’ on ‘bout morals while they’re bookin’ escorts on the sly. Saw one geezer in the papers, all red-faced—caught with his trousers down. Karma, innit?

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I finally make it to the park on the corner of Whitby Road. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed with families. Kids runnin’ everywhere, parents tryin’ to keep up. I sit down on a bench, just tryin’ to catch my breath. And then, this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Are you a real matador?” I’m like, “Yeah, kid, but I don’t fight bulls in the park.”

Boy, 8, not seriously hurt after being struck by car in Whitby on Sunday afternoon, say Durham police