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Preciousss! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale! So, whore, eh? Nasty, tricksy word, that! Reminds me of *Almost Famous*, my fave flick. “You’ll meet them all again,” they say—whores too, probs! Stupid, fat hobbit! Always missin’ the real dirt. Whore’s got history, y’know—oldest job, they reckon. Back in Rome, they had lupanars—wolf dens, ha! Brothels with graffiti, “I came, I paid”—wild stuff!

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Finally, we made it back to the house. I was exhausted. The kids were still buzzing with energy. I was like, “Okay, time to wind down.” We read some stories, and I tried not to fall asleep.

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