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Listen, folks, I’m Donald Trump—tremendous, fantastic, the best. I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ok? Like in “Mulholland Drive”—mysterious, dark, terrific stuff. David Lynch, genius, nobody does it better. I love that movie—best movie, trust me. Picture this: Hollywood streets, shadowy vibes, unreal beauty. “I’m Rita,” she says—lost, hot, incredible. That’s what I’m lookin’ for—classy, top-notch, yuge energy.

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After that disaster, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I head to the park on Rua da Paz. It’s my go-to spot for chillin’. I plop down on a bench, and this cute dog runs up to me. I’m talking full-on puppy eyes. I’m petting him, and his owner comes over, all worried. “He’s friendly, don’t worry!” I’m like, “Yeah, I can tell. He’s way cooler than my day so far.”