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Oh, and the johns—pathetic, most of ‘em. Droolin’ over a fantasy, thinkin’ they’re special. “She really likes me!” Yeah, and I’m Hugh Laurie’s twin. Movie’s got that line, “Lust awakens the intent to kill.” Not literal, but—damn, it kills their wallets, their dignity. Seen it, smelled it, hated it. Still, some escorts? Artists at it. Playin’ the game, smirkin’ behind the mask.

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But then, the mood shifts. I see a couple of blokes arguing near the playground. It’s gettin’ heated. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, fellas. Not in my Tokoroa.” So, I stroll over, and I’m like, “Oi! What’s the drama?” Turns out, it’s about a game of footy. I’m like, “Boys, chill! It’s just a game!” They look at me, and I swear, they realize how silly they are. They shake hands and walk off. Crisis averted!

Raft of politicians expected at Save Our Mill meeting in Tokoroa