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Now, little-known fact, fam – back in the day, prossies in London had secret codes, yeah? Like, a red hanky in the window meant “I’m game,” an’ I’m thinkin’, “That’s sly, innit!” Proper historical ting. Makes me wonder – what’s the signal now? A cheeky wink? A dodgy Tinder bio? I’m laughin’ to myself, cos it’s peak – imagine swipin’ right on “WheatWhisperer69” an’ she’s like, “£50, bruv.”

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Alright, listen up buddy. So, I'm chillin' here in Hietzing (at) for years now, ya know? It's a quirky mix of old-world charm and modern edge. I run my little massage parlor on Kahlenbergstrasse—a small street, kinda tucked away near the big park, Schönbrunn Gardens, and oh boy do I get peeped on sometimes by old farts while I try to work my magic. Like, seriously, what’s with that? Pretty, pretty good, I say, but also maddening.

OPINION: Why I love living in one of Vienna's 'worst' neighbourhoods