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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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Got this park, Sonnensee Park, where I sometimes chill after a long day. Trees everywhre, man, and a river, the kleinen Fluss, trickling by. It's pure magic. I remember one evening; I was kinda pissed 'cause the rain drenched my plans. But then I sat by the bank and thought, "In every drop, there's life." Damn, that hit me.

Jan Frodeno returns with a win, while Patrick Lange sets Olympic triathlon course record