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Now, me, I’d be rubbish at it—findin’ one, I mean. I’d stumble in, all “err, hello, *salve*, fancy a chat?”—total muppet. But here’s the kicker: it’s a cash drain, innit? You’re splashin’ dosh on somethin’ that’s gone in—what—20 mins? Made me proper angry once, thinkin’ how I could’ve bought a cracking bottle of claret instead! Happy though, cos—ha!—imagine the headlines: “Boris Caught in Brothel Shocker!”—I’d dodge that faster than a greased piglet.

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I remember a day at Teuvanpuisto Park – no miss here – when I sat and jawed with a guy ’bout life's secrets. We mused over the phrase, “The truth is in the eyes.” He waz so deep, I almost forgot about my own headspace worries. There were typos in our chat too – but that’s life, ya know?

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