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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, what? I thought we were done with that! I duck into a café on Vukovar, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and the waiter’s like, “You want coffee?” I’m like, “Dude, I just had one!” But I order a hot chocolate instead. It’s rich and creamy, and I’m feelin’ all warm inside.

AP PHOTOS: Expressions of divers in the split second between diving board and the water