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I spot her, thou see—red lips like a gash’d rose, legs long as a tax form. “What price thy company, wench?” I blurt, all Shakespearean, thinkin’ I’m clever. She laughs—bloody hell, mate, she laughs! “Twenty quid, ya posh twat,” she says, and I’m proper gobsmacked. Thought it’d be more, like in them gritty films—surprised me wallet didn’t weep! “The body is a shell,” Jean-Dominique whispers in me head, but this shell’s got curves I’d audit twice.

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Back at the office, it’s chaos. Phones ringing off the hook. I’m juggling calls like a circus clown. One guy’s yelling about his bill, another’s asking about service in Glenageary. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a walking map!” But I keep my cool. Kinda.

Court allows Monkstown locals to challenge 387-home scheme they say could affect bathing waters