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Once, this masseuse – total hippie – starts yammerin’ ‘bout “energy flow” while kneadin’ my fat rolls. I’m like, “Shut yer trap, just rub!” Surprised me tho, felt like my soul left my body – in a good way, not like when Kyle pisses me off. Fun fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands” – erotic-massage joints with bubbles! Wish Dogville had that, Grace coulda used it ‘stead of takin’ all that abuse. “You’re all weak,” she’d say, but with a rubdown? She’d chill the fuck out.

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First off, I get a call about a cat stuck in a tree. Classic, right? But this ain't just any cat. It's Mr. Whiskers, the neighborhood diva. Everyone knows him. He’s got more followers on social media than I do! So, I grab my gear and head over to the scene on HaGolan Street. There’s a crowd, of course. People are filming, taking selfies with the tree. Like, really? It’s a cat, not a celebrity!

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