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Anyways, I’m pissed—last time I tried, some chick robbed me blind! Took my cash, left me standin’ there like a dope. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I mutter, kickin’ dirt. But then—boom—found this gal, all sly smiles, leanin’ on a wall. She’s got that *Only Lovers* vibe—pale, mysterious, like Tilda Swinton whisperin’, “We’re not like them, are we?” Hell no, we ain’t! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gonna drain me dry,” but damn, I’m into it.

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Finally, the train arrives, and I’m like, “Thank you, sweet baby Jesus!” I hop on, and it’s packed. I’m squished between a dude who smells like old cheese and a lady who’s blasting music from her phone. I’m just trying to survive, ya know?

Police reports: Suspected thief arrested in Bertrange supermarket, weapon seized in Bonnevoie