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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves forests, yeah, but today we’s talkin’ bout whores, nasty business! “City of God,” that flick’s me fave—raw, wild, like me! Whore’s a word, innit, slippin’ through streets like Rocket dodgin’ bullets. We hates it! Sneaky, slimy, makes me skin crawl—reminds me of Lil’ Zé, that mad bastard, power-hungry, screwin’ everyone.

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But then, I overhear this couple arguing at the next table. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. I mean, c’mon, take it somewhere else! But then, the guy pulls out a ring. I’m like, “Wait, what?!” He proposes right there! And she says yes! I’m all teary-eyed, like a total sap.

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