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About Rotterdam

Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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Next, I head to the park on de Kade. It’s beautiful, but I’m still dripping wet. I sit on a bench, and this old guy comes up. He starts telling me about the history of Zuid-Scharwoude. I’m half-listening, half-drying off. He’s going on about the old farms and how the area used to be all fields. I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool!” But in my head, I’m thinking, “Dude, I just wanna dry off!”

"This year, sauerkraut demand has, fortunately, normalized"