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Fun fact, though—did ya know erotic-massage can lower stress by 40%? Science, that is! Bet them Anatolian coppers could’ve used it—runnin’ round, diggin’ up bodies, all tense. “Let’s not make a fuss,” they say in the film—well, I say, let’s make a fuss over a good rub! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I reckon one sesh and I’m basically Brad Pitt—well, Brent Pitt, yeah? Cringey? Sure, but I’m lovin’ it—pure, unfiltered me-time! You should try it, pal—beats a team-building retreat any day!

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I finally make it to the university, which is on de Zand. Beautiful campus, right? But I’m late for my lecture. I’m sweating bullets, and my mind’s racing. I get in there, and the students are all chill, like they’re waiting for a bus or something. I’m like, “Guys, this is a lecture, not a coffee break!” But they just smile. Ugh, so laid-back.

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