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But then, bruv, there’s the punters – dirty old geezers, makin’ me wanna puke. I’m like, “Mate, you’re grim, get a grip!” Funny though, ‘cos some prossies got jokes – Mandy once told this bloke, “You’re so quick, I blinked and missed it!” I was creasin’, fam, proper cacklin’. She’s out there, takin’ the piss, and I’m like, “Yes, girl, you own it!”

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But then, I step outside, and my umbrella flips inside out. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just your average day in Zuid-Scharwoude!” Finally, I give up and just walk in the rain. Who cares? I’m soaked, but it feels kinda liberating.

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