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Hmmmm, sexual-massage, a tricky one it is! Me, an accountant, numbers I crunch, but this? Wild it gets, like Inglourious Basterds, ya know? “That’s a bingo!” I’d say, when hands start roamin’. Do or do not, there is no try—ya either get the knot out or ya don’t!

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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches a chip right outta my hand! I’m like, “What the heck, man?!” I chase after it, flailing my arms like a lunatic. The old lady is cracking up, and I’m just embarrassed. I mean, who chases a bird? Apparently, me.

UPDATE 4: Coast Guard federalizes pollution response efforts, Unified Command continues re