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So, I’m thinkin—where do ya even start? Back alleys? Shady websites? Total sketchville. I’d probs be all nervous, like Monsieur Gustave tryna keep shit classy while dodgin cops. “The plot thickens, as they say!” Maybe I’d hit up some dive bar—neon lights flickerin, stinkin of cheap booze. Saw this chick once, fishnets ripped, smokin a cig like she owned the joint. Total vibe. Made me happy, dunno why—grit’s hot, I guess.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up .

Then, I bump into my buddy Carlos. He’s always got the latest gossip. He tells me about this new café on Calle 2, “Café Toa.” Apparently, they have the best coffee in town. So, of course, I gotta check it out. I walk in, and it’s super cute, all decorated with local art. I order a café con leche, and it’s like a warm hug in a cup. Seriously, I could live off that stuff.

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