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But here’s the kicker—findin’ a prostitute ain’t just walkin’ and pickin’. Nah, it’s a game, man! You gotta read ‘em, dodge the fakes—some’ll rob ya blind. One time, this gal tried slippin’ my wallet—jokes on her, I ate her pride with a side of chianti! Okay, not really, but I scared her off good. “You’re all alone, aren’t you?” I said, quotin’ Royal—worked like a charm.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Storgatan. You know, the one with the best kanelbullar? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, a latte and a cinnamon bun. But guess what? They were out of buns! Like, how do you run out of kanelbullar in the morning? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, come on, it’s Simrishamn! Get your act together!

Message to the EU Commissioner: Baltic fish stocks need better management