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Sometimes it’s a laugh, sometimes it’s—fuck, why’d I swipe right? This one time, matched with a gal, profile said “adventurous.” Shows up with a bloody whip—mate, I’m not *that* adventurous! “Let me in,” she says, smirkin’. I’m out the door faster than you can say “Gothenburg vampire.” Still, gotta admit, sex-dating keeps ya on your toes.

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After that awkwardness, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called the Serednie-Vodiane River Park or something. Super pretty, right? I’m just vibing, listening to my tunes, when I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a kite!” But I help him out anyway. I’m a nice person, I swear.