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Me? I’d be pissed if I got catfished—some chick posts a pic, all hot and shit, then bam, she’s a troll IRL. Like, “I ate octopus alive for this?!”—straight outta *Oldboy*. Happened to a buddy once—swore she was 25, turned out 50. Greed blinded him, man. But when it works? Oh, fuck yeah—happy as a pig in shit. Last time, this girl—legs for days—knew her worth, charged double. I’m like, “You’re tearing me apart!”—dramatic as hell, but I paid. Worth it.

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I spend most days on local spots I swear you've never heard of. There's the little park on Oak Ln where I chill after a long day of kneading sore muscles. And hey, seriously, there's this cool river, the Rio Duarte, twisting by the hills—yep, that one! Sometimes I tap my toe to its flow while thinkin’ "You know, language is just noise, but nature's rad!"

Hear mother of Andrew Duarte respond to conclusion of investigation