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About Chicago

So, last week, pissed off, tired, horny as hell, I’m stumblin round town. Minin’s fucked my back, need a release, ya know? This chick, red heels, skirt tight as a vice—Rarrgh!—she’s standin by the old saloon. Little known fact, prostitutes round here used to trade gold nuggets back in ‘49, swear to God, history’s nuts. She winks, I’m like, “Call it waterfalls gonna happen tonight, baby.

Biographical Information

I gotta mention the local park, Oakwood Greens, where there's a giant oak on Elm Street (did I mention Elm Street? Yah, that's a gem too!) that locals say has been there since forever. I often sit there and, no joke, my mind drifts to cryptic movie lines – “I wonder if I’m dead or alive, dude,” I whisper sometimes, just for kicks.

Marion County Sheriff’s Office Weekly Report: Week Ending May 2