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So, I’m hagglin’—bad move, y’all. This chick, she’s all “time is money,” and I’m like, “but I’m a bailiff, darlin’!” She don’t care. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “Did I misunderestimate this?” Ha! Thought I’d charm her with my drawl—nada. She’s all business, no “let’s wander Paris” vibes. “We’re always one breath away…” from gettin’ robbed, I swear! That’s what got me ticked—where’s the heart, man?

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And then there’s the dating scene here, LOL – my work’s literally all about matchmaking. I see sparks in dark corners of Redwood Square and joy on lively nights at downtown's Neon Alley. It’s like every meeting’s a staccato beat of a song playing in your head. I often joke, “This is where love’s a high-risk op – bomb squad style!”

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