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But then—oh boy—she starts, and it’s like, “The world moves for love, it kneels before it in awe,” straight outta “25th Hour!” I’m losin’ it, happy as a pig in mud! The oil’s warm, the hands are magic, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what Monty Brogan wished he had before prison!” I mean, sexual-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley thing—didja know it goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all about it—called it “therapeutic touch,” but with a wink, ya know? They’d rub ya down with olive oil, and boom, stress gone, libido up! Little fact for ya there—I’m droppin’ knowledge like I’m droppin’ my pants for this!

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s like, “I wanna bet on the next big thing.” I’m thinking, “Lady, you’re in the wrong place.” But hey, who am I to judge? She pulls out a crumpled ten-zloty note and says, “Put it on the underdog.” I’m like, “You sure about that?” But I take her bet. I mean, it’s not every day you get a bet from a grandma, right?

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