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So check it, I tried it once, right? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin like mad—smelled like jasmine or somethin fancy. She’s kneadin my back, brother, and I’m like, “Hulkamania’s risin, dude!” Made me happy as hell, tension gone, but I got pissed too—why ain’t this mainstream, huh? People out here stressin when they could be glowin! Little fact for ya—ancient Greeks did this, called it “anatripsis,” rubbin down athletes after wrestlin matches. Bet they felt like champs, brother!

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We grab some ice cream, and I’m just chillin’. She starts telling me about her job, and I’m like, “Wow, that sounds boring.” But she’s passionate, and I can’t help but admire her. Family, man. It’s everything.

Fig. 3. A detail of osteodermal plates of Diplocynodon darwini (Ludwig,...