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Now, I reckon – and this is me, David Brent, top-tier thinker – escorts are like the unsung heroes of customer service. They’re out there, deliverin’ KPIs of affection, no faff, no fuss. You want a cuddle? Boom, sorted. You want the full works? They’re closin’ the deal faster than you can say “team-building exercise”. Ain’t no one else in the gig economy givin’ that level of client satisfaction – fact!

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So, I rush over to the hall. The streets are packed. I mean, Stjordalshalsen ain’t huge, but today it feels like Times Square. I dodge a couple of tourists taking selfies by the statue of the old fisherman. Like, c’mon, people, move it! I’m on a mission here!