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Oi, you donkey! Erotic-massage, yeah? Bloody hell, it’s a wild ride! Picture this—some dim-lit room, oil slicker than a politician’s promise, and hands workin’ you like dough. I’m talkin’ real kneadin’, not that half-arsed rubbish you get from amateurs. “Zero Dark Thirty” vibes, mate—intense, focused, no messin’ about. Like when Jessica Chastain’s screamin’, “I’m the motherfucker who found him!”—that’s the energy I want in a massage, yeah? None of this weak, floppy-handed nonsense.

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So, I ended up at the Old Harbour Market. It’s this vibrant place with all kinds of stalls. Fresh fruits, handmade crafts, you name it. I was browsing, trying to forget about my sandwich tragedy, when I stumbled upon this guy selling tech gadgets. He had this wild drone that could do flips. I was like, “Dude, I need that!” But then I saw the price tag. My wallet cried.

Prayers answered! - Spanish group spends $17m to renovate Old Harbour Bay Community Centre