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So I tried it once—don’t judge me! Walked into this shady joint, dim lights, incense burnin’, and I’m thinkin’, “What am I doin’ here?” The masseuse—oh, she’s all calm, whisperin’, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! I’m sweatin’ bullets!” Hands start movin’, slow, too slow—suddenly I’m paranoid! Is this legal? Am I on a list now? But then—oh boy—it’s good, real good. “I’m gonna make it on Broadway!”—that’s me, yellin’ in my head, feelin’ like a king. Muscles loosenin’, tension gone, and I’m floatin’—like Tyrone smokin’ his pipe, but no crash after.

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First off, I’m running late. Classic me. I grab my coffee from Café am Markt, spill half of it on my shirt. Great start, right? I’m like, “Awesome, now I look like a walking coffee stain.” But whatever, I’m a counselor, not a fashion icon.

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