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Me fave flick, *Before Sunset*, yeah? Jesse an’ Celine, chattin’ deep, walkin’ Paris, pure vibes. I reckon sex-dating’s the opposite—bam, quick shag, no “I saw you in the corner of my eye” romantic bollocks. I got mad once, right, some geezer on Tinder says, “Carpenter? Build me a bed then!” Cheeky twat. Made me wanna chuck me phone out the window. But then, happy vibes—met this fit lass, proper laugh, shagged in a caravan. Felt like, “Time’s slipping away,” but with orgasms, ya get me?

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But then, the waiter spills a drink all over me. I’m soaked! I jump up, and everyone’s staring. I’m like, “Great, just great!” But instead of getting mad, I start laughing. It’s just one of those days, ya know?

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