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About Mauren

Sex-datin’s like a freakin’ jungle. You ever hear about that chick in Jersey—true story—who met some wiseguy on Tinder? Guy shows up with a freakin’ alpaca—yeah, an alpaca—says it’s his “wingman.” She bangs him anyway! I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also, what the fuck? People are nuts! Makes me happy, tho—crazy shit like that keeps life spicy. “Look at me, look at me!”—that’s what they’re all screamin’, postin’ thirst traps, hopin’ for a hookup.

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After a solid hour of work, I finally get those roses lookin’ decent. Mrs. Müller is thrilled! She’s like, “You’re a miracle worker!” I’m feelin’ all proud and stuff. But then, she offers me a slice of her famous apple strudel. I’m like, “Heck yes!” But then I remember I’m on a diet. Ugh! Why do good things always come with a catch?

Consumers Energy names Balzer community affairs manager