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Pisses me off tho—too many fakes. Horny bots chattin’ u up, wastin’ time. “R2-D2, where are you?”—need a droid to filter this crap! Funniest bit? Mate matched his cousin on Bumble—awkward as fuck! He’s like, “Shit, family reunion?” Cracked me up, proper grim tho.

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After that disaster, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the Marine Parade. The ocean’s right there, waves crashing, seagulls screeching. It’s beautiful, but then I see this kid with an ice cream cone. He’s all smiles until—bam!—the ice cream falls. I feel for the kid, man. I mean, who hasn’t been there? I almost shed a tear. But then, I see the kid’s dad whip out another cone. Sweet redemption!

Napier City Council throws Hawke's Bay Tourism agency $1m lifeline