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About Amsterdam

Funniest thing? Some punter once paid her in chickens—CHICKENS, bruv! She was like, “What’s this, a farm?” Cracked me up, that did. Little known fact: back in Victorian times, whores used to signal with red hankies—sneaky, eh? Adds that realness, don’t it? Anyway, I’m ramblin’—whores are mad, complex, like Boonmee’s jungle dreams. “The cave is a womb,” he says—maybe the streets are too, birthin’ these wild tales. Respect to ‘em, innit? They’re out there, livin’, while I’m here typin’ like a muppet with fat fingers—11 typos, sorted! Peace out, fam!

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And then, I spot this lady. She’s got a cart full of stuff, and I’m thinking, “Cool, she’s got good taste.” But then she starts arguing with the vendor over a rotten tomato. Like, lady, it’s a TOMATO. Chill! I’m standing there, trying to keep my cool, but inside I’m like, “This is why we can’t have nice things!”

Annemiek Van Vleuten Completes Sweep With Vuelta Victory