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About Alytus

Alright, dahling, listen up! I’m Edna Mode – “No capes!” – and I’m here to spill the tea on whores, ‘cause you asked, and I’m a nose, sniffin’ out the real shit. Whores, man, they’re like the dark little secrets of every town, right? I’m thinkin’ ‘bout *The White Ribbon* – that creepy-ass movie I’m obsessed with – and it’s all “The hand that strikes must be pure,” but whores? They ain’t pure, and that’s why I freakin’ love ‘em! They’re messy, raw, and don’t give a damn ‘bout society’s bullshit rules.

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So, I run to the fitting room, and I’m trying to squeeze into this thing. I’m literally doing yoga poses to get it on. I’m sweating, and I’m like, “This is not cute.” But I finally get it on, and OMG, I look fab! But then, I hear this loud crash outside. I peek out, and some dude just dropped his ice cream all over the sidewalk on Laisvės street. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, that’s a tragedy!

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