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But then—surprise! Dude’s story stinks. X post from his buddy shows him braggin’ bout hirin’ her. No robbery, just a flex gone wrong. I’m like, “You dumbass, you sank your own ship!” Kinda happy tho—case closed quick. Still, I’m annoyed he wasted my time. “It’s folk music, man,” I growl, channelin’ Llewyn’s vibe—pointless struggle, but catchy.

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And the parks – holy moly. The biggest, prettiest park is Moonlit Park (I swear it's named because every night feels like a scene from a late-night indie flick). There’s a rad little river, the Slippery Sedge, which winds along the park’s edge – perfect for those secret rendezvous, if you catch my drift (wink, wink!). Sometimes, I stroll there, deep in thought about human desires and the absurdity of life, much like the surreal moments in The Act of Killing – “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes all around. Like, who even comes up with that stuff?!

Two men stabbed to death during fight at birthday party in Clyde North, Melbourne