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About Melbourne

We get to it, right, in some grotty alley—smells like death’s armpit. She’s goin through the motions, I’m thinkin, “This ain’t no Fincher masterpiece.” Then—surprise!—her pimp rolls up, big geezer, all “Who’s this prick?” I’m leggin it, screamin, “I’m not Robert Downey Jr, mate!” Nearly shat meself, but fuck me, it was hilarious! Prossies, man—they’ll rob ya blind or get ya battered, and I’m still laughin. Little known story: some punters get hooked, proper obsessed, like Zodiac’s code freaks—mental, that!

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I gotta mention this one park called Ripples Park on Station Street. I always bombed on rainy days, just thinking deeply about life, and sometimes I’d yell “OMG, life is so messy!” like a mad person, but in a totally therapeutic way. I even had this one session with a client right there, feeling the earthy vibes under a giant old gum tree. It was like the tree totally knew our secrets. Lol, so random!

CONWAY, Alan Neil “Tige”