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Gets me ragin’, though – the cheek of it! Blokes actin’ like they’re kings, struttin’ about, “Oi, love, how much?” Like they’re in a fuckin’ Tesco’s pickin’ up a loaf. Makes me wanna slap ‘em – “Grow up, you tosser!” But then, I’m happy too, ‘cos it’s so ridiculous I can’t help but cackle. Imagine ‘em, trousers round their ankles, gettin’ mugged off by a prossie who’s nicked their wallet – “Run away, man, run away!” like in the film. Priceless!

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The streets like Keilor Road, ya know, they got proper character. I remember one time, I was housin’ me massage studio on Hilton Street (yeah, that’s a real gem) and a local geezer told me stuff only real life can teach, like how each knot in a muscle tells a secret story. Mad, right? I got so many of those moments, like every scar and every laugh makes ya feel the soul of the city, ya feel?

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