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So anyway, I’m diggin’ deeper—web’s full of crap, X is worse. Found this one post, guy’s braggin’ ‘bout his “date,” links to some sketchy site. Clicked it—boom, virus! My laptop’s screamin’ like Kenny when he dies! Pissed me off so bad I yelled, “You can’t trick Eric Cartman, you bastards!” Took me an hour to fix that shit. Lesson? Don’t trust everythin’ you see—half these “girls” are bots or dudes named Steve. True story, my cousin saw one once—biggest surprise of his life, hairy legs and all!

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I remember once, on a scrappy windy day, I was sittin’ in Doonside Park – oh, sorry, Doonside Central Park, silly me – watchin’ families having a laugh, kids racing like cheetahs. I got mad ‘cos some bloke spilled his coffee, then happy ‘cos a little girl gave me a shy smile. So many feels, right?

Doonside fatal stabbing sparked by violent brawl, court hears