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So, last week—true story—I’m cruisin’ X, scrollin’ for intel, and some dude posts bout this escort ring, high-end, discreet. Got me thinkin’, “What am I doing with my life?”—straight outta Sofia Coppola’s script! I dig deeper, find a link—boom, profiles, pics, rates. One chick’s bio says “Tokyo vibes, no sleep”—I’m sold, man, sold! Greed kicks in—I want the best, nothin’ less. Text her, set it up, heart’s racin’—half expectin’ a cop sting, half hopin’ she’s Scarlett Johansson’s twin.

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A friend of mine was using a laundromat one evening in the valley and was outside having a smoke. A lady of the night came up to her and told her in no uncertain terms to "find another .

Street names like Maple Leaf Lane and Sunnyvale Drive always bring a smile cuz they remind me to keep it light. I used to be a dating site developer, right? So I pay extra attention to spots perfect for a romantic meet-cute. Seriously, when I saw couples kiss by the old water fountain on Elm Street – it hit me like, “That’s what she said!” haha, so cheesy, yet endearing!

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