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About Melbourne

But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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Now, lemme share a lil’ FYI: there’s a rad street called St. John’s Crescent near the heart of town. I always pop by there ‘cause some of the locals know all the best take-out spots, and I love a good late night snack after a busy day of kneading out knots. And hey, your boy’s got a soft spot for the Yanchep Lagoon too – breathtaking views, rivers sorta meanderin’ around the park, and, oh man, the way the sunset splashes colors across the water… it just makes me go, “Yi Yi: A One and a Two.” Ha! It’s like every scene’s a movie, ya know?

Carabooda bushfire update