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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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I gotta mention those little moments: that time I got so mad about the local council messing up a beautiful mural on Rua do Sol – I mean, c’mon, art matters, amirite? But then I chuckle, thinking about how my regulars share jokes and existential thoughts. “It’s like in Timbuktu, baby,” I’d say, quoting the movie because life here can be deep as hell sometimes!

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