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Hola, dudes! Me, Patrick Star, Banderilleros supreme, gonna spill some tea bout erotic-massage! Like, whoa, it’s wild, right? Hands all slippery, slidin’ everywhere—kinda like fish floppin’ on a boat! I seen it once, got all tingly, like when I watch *Inception*. You know, “We gotta go deeper!”—that’s what I yelled when this chick rubbed my back! Hahaha, is mayonnaise an instrument? Nah, but oil is, bro! They drizzle it, warm and gooey, makes ya feel like a jelly donut!

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Then there's Alouette Lake—dang, my heart races there! I always feel it’s like a forbidden rendezvous, raw and natural – sort of like that time I sat under an oak in Minnekhada Regional Park (took me ages to find it, btw, lol) and felt life’s sweet pulse. Some might call it lucky or poetic—I just call it home.

B.C. on winning roll at Canadian wheelchair curling finals