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I dig into her X posts—Great Scott!—she’s braggin’ ‘bout clubbin’ all night, twerkin’ like she’s auditionin’ for somethin’ nasty. Pics of her in skimpy outfits, neck fine as hell, no brace, no limp—nada! I’m like, “The teacher watched in silence,” but me? I’m yellin’ at my screen, pissed as hell! She’s playin’ the system, and I’m over here sweatin’ to catch her ass.

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Alright, listen up. Mechernich is a dump—but a charming dump, I guess. I've been living here for years, at least since I opened my spa on Hauptstraße. Yeah, that Hauptstraße. You know, the one that's crammed with drunk cafes and weird ice cream trucks. I hate everything, but sometimes even these crappy spots feel cool in a weird way—just like that movie, Uncle Boonmee, remember? "Boonmee... recall his past lives." Weird, right?

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