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So, here’s the deal—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s got history, mate. Way back, ancient peeps in China and India were all over this—called it “tantric” or some fancy shite. Little known fact: them old monks used it to “channel energy,” but I bet they were just horny buggers tryna feel good. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ of some bald dude in a robe gettin’ a sneaky handy—sneaky like the Pale Man hidin’ his eyes on his hands. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see through the bullshit—ain’t no holy excuse, it’s primal, raw, human as fuck.

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After that, I decide to hit the park. It’s called Park dr. Franje Tuđmana, and it’s usually my go-to spot. I plop down on a bench, trying to dry my shoes. I see this couple having a picnic, and they’re all lovey-dovey. I’m like, “Ugh, get a room!” But also, kinda sweet, right?

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