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Me fave bit? When they whisper, “Relax, Cap’n,” an’ I’m driftin’ like Eilis dreamin’ o’ home—“Home’s not a place, it’s a feelin’.” That’s sexual-massage done right—feelin’ alive, not just kneaded like dough! Tho, I’ll admit, I’ve giggled like a fool when they hit a ticklish spot—argh, can’t help it! So, mate, if ye try it, find a good’un, not some scurvy dog with cold mitts. Worth the coin, or I’m a landlubber! Savvy?

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So, I keep walking, right? I hit Trg kralja Tomislava. It’s packed! There’s this festival going on. Food stalls everywhere, people dancing, music blasting. I’m like, “Heck yeah, let’s eat!” I grab some štrukli. OMG, it’s heavenly. I could eat that stuff for days. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my plate right outta my hands. I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?”

Once a textile giant, 107-year-old Varteks now on the brink