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About Budapest

Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? *trips over chair* Oof! So I’m Mr. Bean, right, mumbling away—hnnngh—thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’, oiled up, all slippy-like. Saw this dodgy parlour once, yeah, down by Tesco—proper sketchy! *wiggles eyebrows* Called it "relaxation therapy," pfft, bollocks! Them lot were rubbin’ more than backs, I reckon. Watched “The Hurt Locker” again last night—boom!—and I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage is like defusin’ a bomb, innit? “One tug too many, and—kaboom!” *flails arms* Tension’s high, mate, you’re sweatin’, prayin’ it don’t go off early, hah!

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Then, I stroll down to the Danube. Man, the view is just stunning. The river glistening, the boats cruising by. I take a deep breath, and for a moment, everything feels right. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my kifli! I’m waving my arms like a madman, yelling, “Not today, bird!” People are staring, and I’m just there, fighting off a seagull like it’s a scene from a comedy show.

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